Does my diary reflect me clearly or darkly? I hope more clearly than I see myself, because otherwise I'm cursed.
I've been told I that I am comfortable in my own skin, and that I can be read easily. This means that people might see me more clearly than I see myself, which leads me to believe in the clarity that they see in me. It's a relief from the darkness that I can't see through in myself.
Am I an enigma only to myself? If so, that is a bad sign. I put my hope in this: that I cannot lie; if I do, I cannot forget that I did. It is extremely difficult for me to pose as someone I am not, or to pretend to know something I have not fully understood. If it is so difficult to lie to others, it should be the case that I cannot lie to myself, and that I am being honest with myself at all times.
How come then I do not know what I want? If I am being honest with myself--which I do not entirely trust--then with honesty comes ambivalence.
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2 comments:
What a lovely reflection!
But perhaps a darker reflection than I would have liked it to be!
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